{Tiger Woods admits to 'transgressions'}

Tiger Woods admits to 'transgressions'

Oh Tiger.

Once worshipped like Napoleon's Liger.

Turns out you're a liar.

Renowned for your athletic and moral perfection.

A public awaited your political election.

You had it all.

A stunning wife.

A life seemingly without strife.

The envy of young golfers

And their fathers.

But then you had to go and get all berserk.

Causing all to be revealed from the woodwork.

Making you just another rich and powerful jerk.

Crashed your Escalade.

Exposed the charade.

Now no one's gonna come to your parade.

Way to go!

You big ho.

You went and ruined your own show.

A royal mess.

A hole in one.

So much to confess.

You better run.

Transgression's just another word

For doing it with the wrong bird.

Now you're just another cheat!

Thanks for giving us something to tweet.

{Canada to order 50.4 million H1N1 vaccine doses}

Canada to order 50.4 million H1N1 vaccine doses

Have no fear.
It's here! It's here!
Shall we celebrate with a beer?

The H1N1 vaccine.

This season's worshiped queen.
Its benefits yet to be seen.

They say it's for the greater good.
They say that we should.

But some would disagree.
From vaccines, they flee.

Unwilling to assume the possible side effects.
Controversy, it erects.

50.4 million doses on order.

And that's just for our side of the border.

Big pharma, a hero?

Toasting their cash flow

With Veuve Cliquot.

Assuming no risk.

Despite shaking heads and a resounding, tisk tisk.

A win-win for them.

For their moral compass, it's hardly a problem.

Is it wrong for me to wait and see.
I wash my hands. I do the sleeve sneeze.
So please, oh please
Just let me be.

{Letterman blackmailed for $2 million}

Letterman blackmailed for $2 million

The man of the hour.

A man with power.

But has his fame gone sour?

The host of the late show.

With a fan base that continues to grow.

He took the high road.

Unburdening himself of a questionable load.

With jokes.

It's fun he pokes.

But will the dirty details be revealed?

Is it too late to keep everyone's lips sealed?

Like a bad dream

For him, this must seem.

Was it stellar damage control?

Or will his actions still take their toll?

One thing's for sure.

Four days later,

It's no longer on the front page of the paper.

As it stands, it seems no one can mess with Dave's top ten.

Not even the most extortive of men.

Mission accomplished, i dare say.

If you have sins to confess, looks like a Thursday is your day.

{Former Ontario AG charged in cyclist's death}

Former Ontario AG charged in cyclist's death

Right of way.

Who's to say?

Rules of the road?

Depends on your mode.

Only motorized vehicles subject to law.

Does our system have a flaw?

Bicycles will always be the little guy.

The bell's chime never measuring up to the horn's cry.

Cyclists doored.

Bystanders floored.

Motorists always in the wrong.

But for how long?

A bitter rivalry.

When will our rule makers decide to see?

Taxis versus messengers.

Drivers versus bikers.

Finally, it's breaking news.

It has lit a fuse.

A respected man.

A career in the can.

A cyclist sentenced to death.

A community out of breath.

A plea of self-defense.

Let the proceedings commence.

However,

Let us remember.

The devil is in the details.

Let us hope the truth prevails.

{No white after Labour Day}

No white after Labour Day

Labour Day.
Some say

Is the deadline.

After which, we should never wear white.

But is it right?

Is this rule airtight?

Or is it just a guideline?

Based on an ancient tradition.

Upon middle class admission.

When entering high society came with a rule book.

Shouldn't that mean we're off the hook?

How about a little common sense?

When the winter months commence,

Don't put your white pumps to the test.

Give them a rest.

{Summer hits the city}

Summer hits the city

Summer is finally here.

Finally, an end to our fear.

The worst summer ever, for some.

They wondered if it would ever come.

Heat so hot.

But still it rains a lot.

We complain when we sweat.

And too much A/C causes us to fret.

~

Summer sales near their end.

Just as the season is on the mend.

Fall fashions have hit the racks.

It's glumming us out to the max.

Merchandisers have dark colours rule.

But the weather gods have them looking like fools.

Everything in long sleeve.

The summer shopper's pet peeve.

~

So soon, it's back to school.

Not enough time by the pool.

How could our world be so cruel.

Teachers and kids without a proper summer.

What a bummer.

~

Another summer nearly gone.

Maybe the seasons are moving on.

Or maybe it's Mother Nature's biggest con.

{Via Rail engineers on strike}

Via Rail engineers on strike

Amidst the garbage and a summer stripped of fun,

Another strike has begun.

The trains have stopped.

Summer travel plans lopped.

Fears that our country is becoming France,

Everyone joins in the rants.

But, what's that?

A decision?

Arbitration?

With only two days off the job?

It's news so delightful it calls for corn on the cob.

Of my skepticism, I've been robbed.

Can you even fathom what they did then?

They made amends.

60% off all travel 'til December.

Book before Wednesday, remember.

I better hurry

Or I'll be sorry.

Lines are growing longer.

Online, a recurring error.

The people, they can't get through.

And they'd just about sue.

They've gone on a tear.

Saying it's not fair.

Come on now.

Stop your crying.

Unfurrow your brow.

It's immature that you're whining.

Try to contain your wails.

It's like all other sales.

You can't say, "but, i missed it!"

And have a fit.

Nevertheless, "extend it!", they say.

So they can have their way.

And benefit from this great promotion

On a splendid form of locomotion.

Although it's ludicrous.

And a pretty unjust fuss.

It might just be a victory for us.

Via caved and said, "ok."

Even if only for two more days,

The consumers have gotten their way.

Hooray!

{Michael Jackson dies at 50}

Michael Jackson dies at 50.

Married to the daughter of The King,

He sure could sing.

An icon, a star.

And a little bizarre.

It didn't matter if he was black or white.

The world he did excite.

His fame wasn't a fad.

Tainted by being a little mad?

A musical magnate.

An unfortunate fate.

Judged by the press.

Brought on by his success?

Or a troubled childhood?

Was he just misunderstood?

Wacko Jacko?

A certified sicko?

Now that he's dead,

It's only the good that's said.

Headline after headline.

As if he was divine.

His face covers the newstand.

Remembered for the glove on his hand.

From ridiculed zero.

To glorified hero.

What was he?

An abuser of his celebrity?

A victory in the court room.

But doubts still loom.

A smooth criminal.

For the kids it might have been subliminal.

Peter Pan or Captain Hook?

Neverland or a frightening children's book?

{CUPE Locals 416 and 79 on strike}

CUPE Locals 416 and 79 on strike

It's summertime - the season of strikes.

A strategy that nobody likes.

Twenty-four thousand off the job.

That's a pretty huge mob.

To the island, kids can't go.

City parks, should I mow?

In Christie Pitts

The garbage sits.

Left to fester.

What a disaster.

Transfer stations.

To their neighbours devastation.

Like Christmas morning for the local rats.

Will households be forced to adopt cats?

Tourism to disappear.

Way to make true another recessionary fear.

"Pay out our sick days", they say.

Would the private sector pay?

No way!

Fairness?

Or just greediness?

Thousands of autoworkers unemployed.

Of the economic climate, is your knowledge devoid?

Let me say it again.

Jot it down, if you have a pen.

Good luck rallying the sympathizers.

They'll be tough to find among the thousands fired.

If it's job security you want

Newsflash! Your jobs are stable enough to flaunt.

It's time for compromise

Or it's the city's demise.

As they say, timing is everything.

And times, they are-a-changing.