{Rob Ford's Toronto}

Rob Ford's Toronto

Rob Ford.

Oh Lord!

A fat man

Without a tan.

No more gravy? That means you too!

After all, it’s not like you’re eating for two.

Look what you’ve done to our fair city.

What a pity!

The laughing stock.

A place that even Saskatchewanians mock.

No Pride parade?

Remember how you’re getting paid.

Cottages are cool

But why not come back a little early, you fool!

Look what you’ve done.

You’re taking away all the fun.

No Riverdale Farm.

No Toronto Zoo.

I wish an elephant would take a poo on you.

It’s so sad you’re our mayor.

It just isn’t fair.

I knew amalgamation was lame.

I knew it would never be the same.

Go back to Etobicoke

Cause you seriously blow!

{Canada adopts internet metering}

Canada adopts internet metering

Oh, Canada.

Our home and backwards land.

Have we got our heads in the sand?

Internet metering will take us back in time.

Simply put, it’s a crime.

The big 3 are slime.

Out to squeeze another dime.

Bureaucracies finally get their shit together.

Online efficiencies better late than never. But let’s throw it all away.

Let them have their way.

We’ll count every byte,

We’ll be that country that fell behind without a fight.

The one that traded high-speed for snail mail.

And paid their bills with a paper trail.

The CRTC is crazy.

Or are they lazy?

Or are they slaves to a lobby?

They should be sent on their merry way,

Or we’ll be the ones made to pay.

{Vatican urges coverups}

Vatican urges coverups

Altar boys, rejoice!

You finally have a voice.

It may not be as loud as you want,

But those bishops, it’s sure to taunt.

Progress. That’s something, right?

Unfortunate events brought to light.

Excuses, they’ll sure try.

It’s enough to make anyone cry.

Plenty of reason to scoff.

Oh religion, where do you get off?

Living in your own little bubble,

You’ve sure gotten into a whole lot of trouble.

Canon law, my ass.

Its enforcement is just plain crass.

Pedophiles with power.

Like a birthday party clown.

Hundreds of children cower.

It’s about time you be taken down.

Who even believes in you anymore?

Your practices dated and abhorred.

{The Gulf oil spill}

The Gulf oil spill

The oil spill.

How many will it kill?

And how many livelihoods will fall ill?

it's beyond comprehension.

The devastation.

The worst in history.

The most catastrophic of the earth's robbery.

Every minute, gallons and gallons gush.

Yet no one seems to be in a real rush.

Wells.

They just swell.

Still no solution

For the pollution.

How many days has it been now?

How many more will the world allow?

Disillusioned.

The Gulf of Mexico, moribund.

BP, you're going down.

But with your billions, you just may fail to drown.

But your reputation is beyond repair.

And no one cares if you think that's unfair.

{Free speech at our universities}

Free speech at our universities

Oh Canada,
Our home and sensored land,

How could we give Coulter the upper hand?

Skilled in the art of making people mad.
Now we're the ones that look bad.

The beneficiary of pointing fingers and accusing looks,
Francois Houle, now you've gone and helped her sell more books.

Of our laws, a self-proclaimed victim.
We hope our fellow countrymen aren't so dim.

With only a right wing,
She's clearly not a balanced thing.

Avid proponents.
Bitter opponents.

So begins the conversation.
A democratic demonstration.

Controversial, no doubt.
Isn't that what an education's about?

{Tiger Woods admits to 'transgressions'}

Tiger Woods admits to 'transgressions'

Oh Tiger.

Once worshipped like Napoleon's Liger.

Turns out you're a liar.

Renowned for your athletic and moral perfection.

A public awaited your political election.

You had it all.

A stunning wife.

A life seemingly without strife.

The envy of young golfers

And their fathers.

But then you had to go and get all berserk.

Causing all to be revealed from the woodwork.

Making you just another rich and powerful jerk.

Crashed your Escalade.

Exposed the charade.

Now no one's gonna come to your parade.

Way to go!

You big ho.

You went and ruined your own show.

A royal mess.

A hole in one.

So much to confess.

You better run.

Transgression's just another word

For doing it with the wrong bird.

Now you're just another cheat!

Thanks for giving us something to tweet.

{Canada to order 50.4 million H1N1 vaccine doses}

Canada to order 50.4 million H1N1 vaccine doses

Have no fear.
It's here! It's here!
Shall we celebrate with a beer?

The H1N1 vaccine.

This season's worshiped queen.
Its benefits yet to be seen.

They say it's for the greater good.
They say that we should.

But some would disagree.
From vaccines, they flee.

Unwilling to assume the possible side effects.
Controversy, it erects.

50.4 million doses on order.

And that's just for our side of the border.

Big pharma, a hero?

Toasting their cash flow

With Veuve Cliquot.

Assuming no risk.

Despite shaking heads and a resounding, tisk tisk.

A win-win for them.

For their moral compass, it's hardly a problem.

Is it wrong for me to wait and see.
I wash my hands. I do the sleeve sneeze.
So please, oh please
Just let me be.